Lawn care

Tips for having the best lawn in the neighborhood

I don't have a lawn, but I have lots of ideas. So hear me out. Lets say you live in a nice well maintained community, and the guy next door is a jerk and is always boasting about his great lawn. There are two ways of dealing with a guy like this. One is take the steps above and make your lawn better, but another way of thinking is the Niel Vuolo method (patent pending)

In the fall:
Surveillance Watch his movements. Does he go out late at night, is he up late at night. Know your enemy better than he knows himself.

Shopping While equal parts Orange juice and gasoline will create some great home made napalm and burn the lawn, eventually he'll be able to re-grow. Your ingredients several boxes of salt.


The action One late night spread the salt over the lawn. Perhaps spell something out, or put a pattern. Don't make it look like it snowed.

In the Spring :
His grass which started dying earlier this year (weird) won't grow back. No matter how many calls to Lawn Doctor, or visits to Lowes he makes. The soil is done. He will have to have all his soil removed and new clean soil put back in. While you can sit back and enjoy your lawn. Perhaps make some speculation that you heard about some bugs coming in form Mexico or Guatemala or some bullshit like that has effects on grass. Say you'll see if you can find the article you read, but never do.

CAUTION
If you think you might be the guy, get motion sensors on your lawn and immediate surrounding area, so you'll know if anyone is going to try this on your lawn.